question; what do you do when you're in a relationship and it's not 50/50? i'm talking about a romantic relationship however, i'm aware that this problem can occur in pretty much every type of relationship. so, back to my question. what do you do when you're always the person in the relationship to put forth the most effort. you're the one who tries to smooth everything over and you're the one who goes out of your way to try to make your partner happy. don't get me wrong this other person tries and they do make you happy but you just don't feel as though they care as much as you. i have come to terms with the fact that everyone isn't as sensitive as i am. and i'm okay with that. i've begun to learn that not all people are great at showing their emotions and exposing the "softer side" of themselves and that too is okay. but, does that mean that because i'm very sensitive and i'm very vulnerable i need to be with someone who is also the same way? i'm so confused.
i rememeber when i was a very young girl, probably around 8 or 9 years old my aunt told me to never love anyone more than they love you otherwise, you'll always end up hurt and to be quite honest, i kinda feel like i'm in that position. i know that bf loves me, i don't doubt that. but i don't know if he's capable of loving me the way that i want/need to be loved and i'm not sure if that is selfish. should i really be complaining about someone who i know loves me but just isn't as passionate and sensitive and mushy gushy as me?
i guess the problem is i can't decipher what the REAL problem is. i dont know if i'm too insecure to appreciate what i have and i don't know if i'm correct in my assumption that maybe this relationship is really more important to me than it is to him. this is a sucky feeling. i feel like after 2+ years there should really be no more confusion; all the akwardness should be over and done with but, that's not the case here. it still remains. i'm happy, i tell myself everyday but really am i? i love him, i love spending time with him and i absolutely adore his family but, i always feel like i'm two steps ahead of him.
i know that the Lord is trying to make me see something and i can't. i dont know what to do and it's so frustrating. i've prayed on this situation time and time again and really i'm lost. how do you KNOW what He wants you to do?
February 29, 2008
February 28, 2008
matthew perry
is sitting in the lobby of my office right now..as i type.all the girls in the office are walking around giggly and dreamy-eyed. don't get me wrong..we see celebrities often but CHANDLER!!!!!!!!!!!!
that has been the highlight of my day.....ahhhhh
February 24, 2008
Live by Faith & not by sight
amen. today was a wonderful day. i woke up late for church and still managed to get there on time. most of my favorite praise and worship songs were sung today and once again my amazing pastor did what he does best and delivered an amazing message. i saw some old high school friends at church today and that also made me feel good :)
i'm now sitting in the bed; just woke up after a four hour nap and i still have the same headache from earlier this afternoon. my doctor prescribed me something for these annoying headaches i get about a month ago and i've just never had time to go and pick them up. ugh, time management; i'm horrible at it.
anywho, many times i like to document things i'm learning here on my good ol' blog. i find that it is very beneficial to myself as i often take a look back at what i previously wrote and i re-read and study it. i mean, this really is my online journal and i can write about whatever it is that i like and since my relationship with Christ is growing and changing me in so many ways, it's only obvious that this new found relationship would be the topic of most of my discussions right?
so today, pastor Mel read the following verse from the book of Joshua 1:8: " This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success". Pastor Mel went on to explain that The Book of the Law will go into your soul and it will begin to teach you! you begin to try things and do things you'd never do. You must meditate in it and convince yourself that this is the truth! you cannot look at the person you were in the past. you must look ahead. everything you've been through, everything you've experienced is part of God's plan. he is building you. He knows your future He knows what He has in store for you and everything you have experienced, all of your life experiences are part of his divine plan. To obey God, God must build faith in you. I know that he is buidling faith in me. The fact that he has stregthened my faith and allowed me to realize all of his doing in my life only makes me want to obey his word more and more. the fact that he is so very good to me only makes me want to live my life for him more. only makes me want to love Him more and glorify Him in all that i do? How can i be ungrateful when belong to a King?! a King who has shown so much mercy on me and has continued to bless me beyond belief? He blesses me when i don't even deserve it. i am living my life by his word; to obey him, not because i have to but because it is a privelege to serve Him and to honor and worship him. look at what He has done for me? what frightens non-believers will not frighten me. what troubles non-believers will not trouble me because, i am very aware that with Him on my side i am above any and every trouble/storm that may come my way.
here's to a great week. here's to me making more of an effort to meditate with my bible more!
i'm now sitting in the bed; just woke up after a four hour nap and i still have the same headache from earlier this afternoon. my doctor prescribed me something for these annoying headaches i get about a month ago and i've just never had time to go and pick them up. ugh, time management; i'm horrible at it.
anywho, many times i like to document things i'm learning here on my good ol' blog. i find that it is very beneficial to myself as i often take a look back at what i previously wrote and i re-read and study it. i mean, this really is my online journal and i can write about whatever it is that i like and since my relationship with Christ is growing and changing me in so many ways, it's only obvious that this new found relationship would be the topic of most of my discussions right?
so today, pastor Mel read the following verse from the book of Joshua 1:8: " This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success". Pastor Mel went on to explain that The Book of the Law will go into your soul and it will begin to teach you! you begin to try things and do things you'd never do. You must meditate in it and convince yourself that this is the truth! you cannot look at the person you were in the past. you must look ahead. everything you've been through, everything you've experienced is part of God's plan. he is building you. He knows your future He knows what He has in store for you and everything you have experienced, all of your life experiences are part of his divine plan. To obey God, God must build faith in you. I know that he is buidling faith in me. The fact that he has stregthened my faith and allowed me to realize all of his doing in my life only makes me want to obey his word more and more. the fact that he is so very good to me only makes me want to live my life for him more. only makes me want to love Him more and glorify Him in all that i do? How can i be ungrateful when belong to a King?! a King who has shown so much mercy on me and has continued to bless me beyond belief? He blesses me when i don't even deserve it. i am living my life by his word; to obey him, not because i have to but because it is a privelege to serve Him and to honor and worship him. look at what He has done for me? what frightens non-believers will not frighten me. what troubles non-believers will not trouble me because, i am very aware that with Him on my side i am above any and every trouble/storm that may come my way.
here's to a great week. here's to me making more of an effort to meditate with my bible more!
February 21, 2008
411
so, i'm thinking now is the time to update my blog on the current 411 of my life. as i mentioned earlier, i moved this weekend! yay! my room is small but, i still love it! it's very cozy and i'm very much looking forward to decorating it. if only i could spend more time there and less time here (at work). My roommates are pretty cool. I don't know too much about them so far, but I know one of the girls is Christian! woohoo! i don't think she goes to church or has a home church so, i will definitely be inviting her to my amazing church. moving didn't go as smoothly as i hoped it would. i realized that although i like to do everything on my own; it's not possible. i also realized that i own WAAAYYY too many clothes. i did rid myself of some of the unecessary clothing items (is there really such a thing) during the whole moving process but, i still have tons more!!! i now have wireless internet so i will definitely be blogging more; in bed on my lovely laptop versus using my blackberry as a modem..lol. i'm excited about that.
work is still blah. there are so many horrible things going on here with the executives. it's all surreal. i've actually come to realize that a)men gossip just as much, if not more than women b) the entertainment industry is seriously horrible c) if this is a taste of what corporate america is, i'd much rather own my own day care or something..lol. d) my boss isn't all that bad; i mean, he can be moody but really, he's under alot of stress. i love my job (most of the times), i really do enjoy being a personal assistant, i just don't think this is my industry per sei.
so, yea..that's pretty much what's been going on in my life. tonight there is a women's conference at church and i'm very much looking forward to that.
Hope you all are doing wonderfully. God Bless
work is still blah. there are so many horrible things going on here with the executives. it's all surreal. i've actually come to realize that a)men gossip just as much, if not more than women b) the entertainment industry is seriously horrible c) if this is a taste of what corporate america is, i'd much rather own my own day care or something..lol. d) my boss isn't all that bad; i mean, he can be moody but really, he's under alot of stress. i love my job (most of the times), i really do enjoy being a personal assistant, i just don't think this is my industry per sei.
so, yea..that's pretty much what's been going on in my life. tonight there is a women's conference at church and i'm very much looking forward to that.
Hope you all are doing wonderfully. God Bless
February 20, 2008
M.I.A.
i know i've been gone baby gone. i've packed, moved, unpacked amidst my abscence. i've spent some much needed time with my bestie and my bf and i'm poooooped. will write more detailed later alligator :)
February 11, 2008
LOVE
So, this weekend was amazing. I went to a great baby shower on Saturday & spent some much needed time with some of my girls. On sunday I pulled myself out of bed for church. Boy was I tired. I can't say that I enjoyed church so much. We had a guest speaker who was all over the place and he was going from topic to topic and I was lost. Our IHP service later that night DEFINITELY made up for it. Wow! That's all I can say. I've been to several IHP Underground services and Pastor Timmy always, always, always touches me with his words. Not only was I touched by his words last night, but the praise and worship is always amazing. The dancers and the singers it's just amazing. A feeling that I cannot put into words. Normally the sanctuary is packed but, since we've gone from having the service at 5 instead of 6 it wasn't as crowded and it was very intimate. It was great.
Pastor Timmy's topic of discussion was L O V E! very appropriate with Valentine's Day right around the corner dontcha think? So, basically Pastor Timmy brought alot to my attention. I soaked up every single thing he said because once again, I felt as though he was speaking directly to me. He made it very clear that one should be movitvated by love and moved by compassion in all that you do. If you are doing something because you feel obligated it will soon get old. You will eventually tire of doing it. However, if you're doing something because you LOVE to do it, it makes all the difference in the world. Also, I know people hear this all the time but, in order to love someone else, you must first love yourself. God made you just the way you are. He doesn't make mistakes. You need to stop putting yourself down and learn to accept you and who you are because you will always be YOU. This really makes me wonder, how exactly do you love yourself? How do you show yourself love? It sounds like such a silly question but really, I need some clarification.
here are some of the verses that Pastor Timmy shared with us that really opened my eyes to just how important love is. You can have all the faith and the grace in the world but you NEED to accompany them with love.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3: "If i speak in the tongues of men, and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."
Matthew 5:46: "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?"
It's more than just loving those who love you. That's the easy part. You must love those who seem impossible to love. You must love your enemies! It is not enough to reciprocate the love that is given to you.
1 John 4:7: "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God."
Romans 13:8: :"Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law".
So there it is! I'm finding that there is sooo much love in the bible! I must say, a year ago I never would've imagined that I would find pleasure in reading the bible and learning the Lord's word. Today, I am completely enthralled in His message and want more than anything to just memorize the entire bible...lol. I find it very difficult to apply the teachings I am learning to everyday life but I know as time progresses so will I. I'm thankful that I've found a church that I love, that makes me feel comfortable, that encompasses everything that I believe and strive to be as a young christian woman. I am blessed beyond that which I can imagine and I'm so in love with my Lord Jesus Christ.
I am making a conscious to love everyone. To love my neighbor as myself, as I should. Here's to a great week!
Love,
Faith
Pastor Timmy's topic of discussion was L O V E! very appropriate with Valentine's Day right around the corner dontcha think? So, basically Pastor Timmy brought alot to my attention. I soaked up every single thing he said because once again, I felt as though he was speaking directly to me. He made it very clear that one should be movitvated by love and moved by compassion in all that you do. If you are doing something because you feel obligated it will soon get old. You will eventually tire of doing it. However, if you're doing something because you LOVE to do it, it makes all the difference in the world. Also, I know people hear this all the time but, in order to love someone else, you must first love yourself. God made you just the way you are. He doesn't make mistakes. You need to stop putting yourself down and learn to accept you and who you are because you will always be YOU. This really makes me wonder, how exactly do you love yourself? How do you show yourself love? It sounds like such a silly question but really, I need some clarification.
here are some of the verses that Pastor Timmy shared with us that really opened my eyes to just how important love is. You can have all the faith and the grace in the world but you NEED to accompany them with love.
1 Corinthians 13:1-3: "If i speak in the tongues of men, and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing."
Matthew 5:46: "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same?"
It's more than just loving those who love you. That's the easy part. You must love those who seem impossible to love. You must love your enemies! It is not enough to reciprocate the love that is given to you.
1 John 4:7: "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God."
Romans 13:8: :"Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law".
So there it is! I'm finding that there is sooo much love in the bible! I must say, a year ago I never would've imagined that I would find pleasure in reading the bible and learning the Lord's word. Today, I am completely enthralled in His message and want more than anything to just memorize the entire bible...lol. I find it very difficult to apply the teachings I am learning to everyday life but I know as time progresses so will I. I'm thankful that I've found a church that I love, that makes me feel comfortable, that encompasses everything that I believe and strive to be as a young christian woman. I am blessed beyond that which I can imagine and I'm so in love with my Lord Jesus Christ.
I am making a conscious to love everyone. To love my neighbor as myself, as I should. Here's to a great week!
Love,
Faith
February 6, 2008
wowzers.
A woman's heart should be so buried in God that a man has to seek Him in order to find her. stole this from someone else's blog.
February 5, 2008
obama '08
hello all! happy super tuesday. i hope that everyone has taken advantage of our wonderful democracy and put forth the effort to vote, vote, vote! we are truly blessed to live in a country where we DO have a voice. this election is very special for obvious reasons and i'm excited to see history in the making. as i was coming to work today (stuck in the LA traffic), i noticed two young men posting a huge sign on the overpass that said "Obama Is Hope". when i drove under the next overpass i saw the same one, and then on the next! when i was driving back to work after a dental appointment i saw an elderly lady on the coner waving her Obama for Change poster and i felt warm inside. it makes me feel so very good to see this country going in a different direction. i'm proud to be part of a generation who is eagerly seeking change. i'm proud that so many of my peers are involved and that we all have opinions and even though we may not all agree we have voices and we want them heard! every single one of my friends went out and voted and i'm extremely proud. i'm grateful that the Lord has had his way in this election. he has shown us through the candidates alone that this country is amazingly beautiful. we have an AFRICAN AMERICAN man and a WOMAN running for the president of the United States!! this is amazing. this is absolutely what dreams are made of. i never in my wildest dreams thought that i would see such a thing in my lifetime. but i have witnessed it. i'm witnessing it, i'm a part of a history and i will most definitely share with my children the wondeful memories being made.
February 4, 2008
Superbowl 42
So, I'm not a NY Giants fan. I'm an Indiana Colts fan allll the way. I love my Colts. However, since my team didn't make it the Superbowl, the next best thing was of course, the next best Manning....so, Eli it was. From the very beginning I rooted for the Giants. Depsite the Patriots amazing record I knew the Giants could do it...and they did! woooohooooo!
February 1, 2008
My Greenhouse
I have this inspirational calendar here on my desk at work called Grace For The Moment by Max Lucado. It's amazing. I absolutely love it, I learn something new because of it each day and it's an awesome way for me to get my day started. Here's the "inspirational thought" for today:
"People harvest only what they plant" Galatians 6:7
Think for a moment of your heart as a greenhouse...And your heart, like a greenhouse, has to nbe managed. Consider for a moment your thoughts as seed. Some thoughts become flowers. Others become weeds...Ever wonder why some people have the Teflon cpacity to resist negativism and remain patient, optimistic, and forgiving? Could it be that they have diligently sown seeds of goodness and are enjoying the harvest?
I think I need to manage my greenhouse better. I need to rid myself of the thoughts that will eventually become weeds.
That's all for today, thought I'd share something that really touched me this morning.
I will be going to Disneyland tomorrow for my niece's 13th birthday and yes, i'll be staying overnight!! wooohooo...i'm so excited. i'm a big kid and i l o v e disneyland.
ciao!
"People harvest only what they plant" Galatians 6:7
Think for a moment of your heart as a greenhouse...And your heart, like a greenhouse, has to nbe managed. Consider for a moment your thoughts as seed. Some thoughts become flowers. Others become weeds...Ever wonder why some people have the Teflon cpacity to resist negativism and remain patient, optimistic, and forgiving? Could it be that they have diligently sown seeds of goodness and are enjoying the harvest?
I think I need to manage my greenhouse better. I need to rid myself of the thoughts that will eventually become weeds.
That's all for today, thought I'd share something that really touched me this morning.
I will be going to Disneyland tomorrow for my niece's 13th birthday and yes, i'll be staying overnight!! wooohooo...i'm so excited. i'm a big kid and i l o v e disneyland.
ciao!
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