all about HIM

He is so good to me (when he wants to be) sometimes i feel so undeserving. i'm wishy-washy, one minute i want this, the next minute i want that. i'm never satisfied, can never make up my mind. i criticize him for doing this and criticize him for doing that. i get frustrated with the fact that although we share the same beliefs, it's just not THAT important to him. i don't think i try enough. i'm not perfect. actually, i'm far from perfect. i'm a brat. i ALWAYS want my way. i'm difficult and sometimes I actually like being difficult (i cannot believe i just admitted that). this is probably no walk in the park for him either. he may not handle every situation the way I think he should. He may not be great at expressing his feelings. he's not the best talker and sometimes he says "whatever" at the WORSE time but, at the end of the day, i ALWAYS know that he loves me and if he could, he'd do anything for me. that feels good.so good.

all about feeling sick-ish

i feel like crap. i've been fighting off this stupid head cold for about a week but, i lost the fight yesterday. my ears felt like someone was holding matches underneath them and my head was killing me. i couldn't concentrate on anything and i just wanted to lay my head down. it kinda felt like someone had unzipped my head, taken out my brains and replaced them with a stack of bricks. i went to the dentist this morning. came home, made the best grilled cheese sandwich i've ever made and pretty much slept the day away. i managed to pull myself out of bed for my sisters graduation. speaking of that; since when do we have graduation ceremonies for pre-schoolers?! i mean these kids were wearing cap and gowns. my step-mom even sent out graduation announcements! it was really cute though. i've noticed that my sister is a lot like me. she was so nervous so she didn't smile AT ALL. you would've sworn this kid was a soldier or something. she kept looking straight ahead, avoiding all eye-contact and if you happened to get her attention she would give this quick smile and look away. it was really cute. i'll post pictures when i actually have some energy. i'm supposed to go to a Dodger game tomorrow and i really don't feel like going. eh. we'll see. i hate flakin' on people but, i really feel like crap.

that's it for now, this sick girl is going to bed.

all about church sightings.

heidi montag was soooo @ my church yesterday. this is actually her second time visiting. we have quite a lot of celebs that attend our church but there was definitely a buzz when her and spencer first visited. it was on that glorious occasion that i realized how handsome he is (tv really does not do this boy justice, he's gorgeous) and she's suuupppperrr tiny (tinier than she looks on camera, hard to believe huh?)

i kinda wonder how they found our church, i mean..do they know someone? I honestly feel that my pastor has a way of affecting every single person, every single time. He makes you feel like he is talking directly to you, dissecting your life circumstances and situations. He's not overbearing, he doesn't try to beat you over the head with religion. I think he focuses more on the relationship YOU have with Christ. His focus is not whether or not you attend church every Sunday (and i truly believe most of our members not only attend church on sunday but they also attend bible study, praise and worship, IHP etc. throughout the week). Our pastor is a teacher. He is passionate about the word of God. He's passionate about teaching others the word of God. He's passionate about bringing Jesus into the lives of those who haven't accepted him or don't know about him or for whatever reason are afraid to know him. Pastor Mel's character is similar to the character of Jesus. He will not force himself on you. He makes himself available for those who invite him into their lives. God's grace is a free gift. The same is true of Pastor Mel. He is a free gift. His ministry is a free gift. I've taken quite a few friends to church with me and every single person a) loved it and b) came back. I get it when people say that church isn't for everyone. I was once one of those people and i felt the same way, but i truly feel that this church IS for everyone and i think that's part of the reason why our church is so diverse. We seriously have members/visitors of every ethnicity (well not every,but you know what I mean). Sorry, i went on about all of that. It was just on my heart and sometimes i forget how truly blessed I am that I was introduced to such an amazing church, with amazing ministries and amazing people.I always fear that if I move I won't be able to find a church that can even compare to In His Presence. anyway, check out my pretty church here on Justjared (the pics kinda suck..but ehh). btw, Get Smart came in #1 at the box office this weekend-ranking in $38,675,000. we're having a lil' fiesta here @ work to celebrate. did anyone see it? thoughts?

all about apologizing

all about my girls

i love my besties for ALWAYS being there for me. for being the funniest girls ever.for listening to my constant bitchin and complaining. for listening to all my simpin' while not reminding me that i was just bitchin and complainin' 2 days ago. for always reminding me that i'm too good to settle. for keeping me grounded. for breaking their diets for me. for NEVER letting me forget who I am and where I came from. for helping me achieve my goals. for fixing my hair, tucking in my bra, doing my make-up, and buckling my heels when my dress is too tight for me to bend over. for buying me a drink and or shot on those nights that i declare i'm not drinking but know damn well i want/need a drink. for all those drive-bys back in the day, for the anonymous calls, for adding him on AIM AFTER i've blocked him just so i can read his away message. for telling me i'm overreacting and being a you know what as nicely as possible. for going to church with me. for helping me pack and helping me move. for being honest and telling me when something really doesn't look good on me. for respecting every wrong decision i've ever made. for never holding anything back. for always being there. for answering every single text message regardless to the fact that it was 5:30am. for not being mad when i cry and get mascara all over your shirt (or your pillow aug). for holding my hand when i'm scared. for reminding me to breathe. for knowing when somethings wrong with me even though i'll look you dead in your eye and tell you i'm okay. thank you for helping me be a strong woman. thank you for constantly reminding me to stand my ground and look up not down :) hahaha..bet you thought i was too tipsy to remember that. thank you for not only being my friends but for being my inspirations. every single one of you inspire me in one way or another. i am truly blessed to have you all in my life. i could not ask for a better group of girls to share my life, memories, dreams and aspirations with. you girls are stuck with me. you will be the first i call after i get engaged. you will ALL be in my wedding. you will ALL be there at the hospital after i have my first (& only) child. you will be at every single birthday party and you will buy my son (yes, i KNOW my first & only child will be a boy) everything his lil' heart desires. You will also be able to spank him...lol. thank you for loving me girls. i love you all more than words can say.
*ash (please ignore this image of her, she'd kill me if she knew i posted this) aug, me, cessy & jess.

all about eff'd up days

have you ever had a day where everything is just ALL BAD? The day just seems so eff'd up? Well, hello June 18th, thanks for being so crappy to me. Gah, can this day just be over please? Is it really possible for one person to just annoy the crap out of you and if so, why? Why can't I just learn to ignore certain individuals and their ridiculousness? and another thing, I HATE PowerPoint.

Okay, i'm done bitchin'. I just went into my boss' office to watch the trailer to Pineapple Express. It looks hilarious. Can't wait.

all about waiting

i think within these last few days, He has made it very evident that 4 years isn't really that long. I could be wrong. Maybe I'm just instilling these thoughts in my own head. Nonetheless, it feels good. Not only does it feel good but, it sounds good. Today I am happy. Today stink made me happy. I'm torn. I don't know what the "right" thing is but seriously, I can't continue to allow the fact that I'm scared to get in the way of EVERYTHING. Yes, I'm scared but in all actuality; shouldn't 3 years in itself be comforting? We were having a very simple conversation via text messaging today and the conversation went there and he took it there and for once i felt like we were finally on the same page. I felt that maybe both of us are fighting for this. Maybe we are a team. He asked me to move in with him on Sunday after I had been gone for about an hour. I smiled because I'd love to but, inside I know that I can't. Hopefully, I'll be able to hold off for 3.5 years. I'm praying this whole "thing" is worth the wait. I kinda regret sharing with a certain someone that this blog exists because now I feel that I have to be extra careful with the information I share. There is definitely more that I'd like to say about this particular topic. Not for anyone in particular but, for myself. So one day I can look back on all this and laugh or cry or remember what I was feeling at this very moment.

big ups to all my {laker} haters

like i've said before, please don't doubt us because we WILL prove you wrong and when we win games 6 & 7 I'm not even gonna taunt and tease you. You will not hear the words "i told ya so" come out of my mouth.

Because I'm from LA i'm pretty classy so-instead of doing all that, i'll just stick out my hand and thank you as you hand over your money. Oh and another thing; Paul Pierce is a PUNK. Yea, I said it. Sam Cassell looks like E.T. Kevin Garnett is whack-tastic. P.J. Brown is a senior citizen. Powe? Powe? are you really comparing him to Farmar? Psh, get out of here guy. I'll stop while i'm ahead of myself. You've officially been deleted from my BBM contacts..for being a Laker-Hater. Your calls will be ignored and text messages will be deleted upon receipt until you get with the purple and gold. It's hurting me to do this, but it has to be done. still love ya though. xoxoxoxo

So, i kinda killed the classy thing with the name-calling. but HE started it :)

i love this kid

check out my sister; chocolate ice-cream all over her face, a huge box of mike & ike's, mean muggin the girl who has just taken her bike @ the park. despite the 18 year age difference, her and i are just alike i tell ya.

no fair

umm, can i get those Chanel gladiator sandals Heidi is wearing like..yesterday? they're so cute. Not that I follow The Hills or anything (yea right, who am I kiddin?) but, I think I'm totally team Heidi (and Audrina) now. Lauren needs to just get over herself.

*btw, i tried to find a better picture of the shoes..but I got lazy and cut my attempt short. Sorry if you have to squint to check em out.

Young Folks :)

I was tagged (for the first time) by Kay of i'm not really a diva. If you haven't had the opportunity to check out her blog, I suggest you do so. It's absolutely one of my fave's. although i don't believe in coincidences, her tagging me for this specific meme would be considered a coincidence to most. you see,

I dedicated my entire day to organizing my itunes and downloading ton's of new music. So, here we go:

MEME Rules:1. Put your itunes/ music player on shuffle 2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer 3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT. After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme themselves!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
"back up" Danity Kane--that's actually quite funny.

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?

"wreckless love" Alicia Keys--greeeeaaaatttt!!!

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?

"closer"--Goapele--awww, that's actually pretty accurate.

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?

"real playa like"--Fabolous Feat. LLoyd--hahaha, I promise I'm following the rules.

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?

"dirrty"--Christina Aguilera--hmmm, not quite sure about that one.

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?

"hazel"--Lloyd

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?

"ain't thinking about you"--Neyo--hope that's not true.

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?

"until the end of time"--Justin Timberlake

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?

"ride for you"--Danity Kane

WHAT IS 2+2?

"you know i'm no good" --Amy Winehouse

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?

"the more i seek you"--Cheryl Salem

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

"what's a man to do?"--Usher
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?

"till it happens to you"--Corinne Bailey Rae--love this song. explains my situation with a certain someone rather well.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?

"money make me ___Rick Ross--yes, I am christian and i love the Lord but, i do love me some hip hop and I always will.

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?

"would that make you want me"--my husband, Robin Thicke.

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?

"can't help but wait"--Trey Songz

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?

"playin' in her hair"--The Dream--lol, lol, lol, lol, that's funny for too many reasons.

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?

"losing my way"--Justin Timberlake

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?

"be with me"--J. Holiday

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?

"detective"--No Doubt

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?

"bring the rain"--Mercyme

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?

"young folks"--Peter Bjorn

That was actually pretty funny. Thanks for taggin' me Kay. I tag

anyone interested. It's actually very amusing.

Proverbs 31:30

Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.

history

how lucky are we to witness history in the making? i'm proud. we have come a long way.

TDF

first things first, I think I've coined a new phrase/acronym..here it is....TDF. TDF = To Die For.Does this exist already? If so, I've never heard of it. My good friend Shari started this whole acronym business with DBJ. DBJ= Don't Be Jealous. As in, I just bought the pair of J Brand jeans you wanted...DBJ b*&$%. Yes, Shari..will say b*&$%. So, my new phrase or acronym whatever you wanna call it is TDF. Sex And The City was definitely TDF. From the shoes, to the wedding dresses, to the bags, to the storyline. Everything about it was TDF. I must admit, I was looking forward to seeing the movie but I wasn't as geeked as most girls. Yea, I love me some SATC but really, I was very doubtful. I think I just had a hard time grasping the idea of a 2+ hour long episode of SATC. Man, I was W-R-O-N-G and I would like to take this time to apologize to both Michael Patrick King and Candace Bushnell. I am so very sorry for ever doubting you and your magical creation. It was nothing short of AMAZING and I enjoyed every single second of it. I laughed my butt off, I cried, I was sad, I was happy, I was stunned, I was disgusted but most of all, I was in LOVE with the movie. It was great. It really made me love and appreciate my girls because I know for a fact we would sooooooo be there for each other like that. Okay, that's it. Enough SATC. So yea, I didn't end up seeing the movie on Friday. Instead, I accompanied my bestie and her aunt to the 12:00pm showing on Saturday at the Archlight. After that we of course had to do some girly feel-good activity so we went to get mani's & pedi's and then enjoyed a nice cheeseburger from In and Out. Saturday Night was pretty Uneventful. Sunday, I had dinner at 21 Oceanfront which is probably one of the nicest restaurants I've ever been to.Not only is it a restaurant but it also serves as a Doryman's Oceanfront Inn which is also a bed and breakfast. It's in

Newport right on the beach and our reservations were at 8:00 so we got there just in time to watch the sunset. It was absolutely amazing. Dinner was of course accompanied by great conversation and I loved every second of it.

Not only did I stuff my face, I even had dessert. Now anyone who knows me, knows that I always SAY I'm going to have dessert but, by the time dinner is over, I'm too stuffed. Well, last night I had me some dessert and it was TDF (can you tell i'm in love with my new phrase???)I cannot wait to go back to this place. As we were coming in, Dennis Rodman was leaving and dare I say..the guy actually looked normal..he looked decent..he looked kinda cute..not cute but, cute-ish. well he looked MUCH better than he does with make-up. Let's leave it at that.

one of kind

i have MUCH to blog about. But, this verse (along with several others) screamed at me this morning so I thought I'd share: I praise you because you made me in an amazing and wonderful way. Psalms 139:14. There is no one else like me (or you for that matter) on the face of this earth. I am the only. He made me to be the person I am today. I can add to the quality of myself or I can choose to self-destruct. He wants me to choose Him. Everyday in every situation. I'm having such a hard time with work right now. I'm 23 years old and I have yet to find the one thing that I am passionate about; the one thing that I enjoy doing; the one thing that allows me to glorify Him. When will I know? How will I find this? What is my purpose? These are all questions I ask myself on a daily basis. I'm not quite sure what it is I want to do with my life but I know that being at a desk for 40 hours a week is definitely not "it". I have an instrument and a song to play for God and I just need to find it. Reading this verse helped me to understand that I indeed have a purpose, my own purpose. He made it so.