blog-friends, i need some help/advice or maybe i just need to get this all out. i've recently found myself in a weird situation. a situation that shouldn't be weird, but it is and now i'm sorta confused. my best friend is dating a guy; she has been dating him for almost a year and since they've started dating our groups have sorta merged. we don't hang out with him and his friends ALL the time but we do hang out with them often and our girl group has sorta become friends with his guy group. so, back in May my friend ashlee celebrated her b-day @ a club and of course, Matt (the guy that my bestie is dating) and his friends came to the party. After the party, we sorta had an after party at my besties house and Ashlee (the b-day girl) and R, (Matt's best friend) hooked up. Now, my definition of hookin' up may be different than yours so i'll get a lil' more detailed; basically they made out for about a good 30 mins before someone walked in on them and ended all action. So, Ashlee and R hooked up that night and after that I never heard anything about them hanging out, going on a date, talking or anything like that. This R guy is very flirtatious. He flirts with all of us girls and honestly, I don't even consider it flirting because I know that's just his character. He and I have a special relationship though; we constantly bicker. He always picks on me about EVERYTHING and so I give him a hard time which leads to us always debating over something. R knows that I have a boyfriend in fact, he came to my birthday party and he met my boyfriend and they actually sorta hung out that night. I have no interest in R whatsoever and he has no interest in me either. I think he's hilarious, he's fun to hang out with and whenever we're all together I cannot stop laughing. So that's the background to the story and here's the story:
A couple of weekends ago My bestie, Ashlee & myself decided to join Matt and his boys at the beach. We all drove in one car and met everyone else there at the beach house. We get to the beach house and R stays at the house to work on his personal statement for the MCAT. We're at the beach for a couple of hours and when we return R asks me to read his personal statement and give him my opinion. So I do. We all hang out for a bit and then we leave and this is were things get ugly. On the way home R and I of course got into a heated discussion about something (honestly, i can't even remember what it was about) and we're talking and of course everyone is chiming in (except Ashlee). mind you, we're in an BMW X5-- not the most spacious car--and R is seating between Ashlee and myself. R asks me for my phone number and at first i hesitate because a) i have a boyfriend and b) i didn't want ashlee to get the wrong idea. so i asked him, why do you want my number and he says, "to talk about my paper. i'm going to send you the final after i make all the corrections" he also says, "i would never disrespect L (my boyfriend), so don't worry". So i give it to him. I continue going through pictures in his phone and that was that. We all get home and i can immediately tell that something is wrong with Ashlee. I ask her if she's good (because she had been drinking) and she said she was. We all say our goodbyes and my bestie and i of course start re-capping the day. She told me that Ashlee had mentioned to her that she couldn't believe that R was acting that way towards me while she was around. I asked my bestie her opinion and she agreed with me, he wasn't flirting that's just his personality. I dropped it, never brought it up again because really, it all seemed childish. R aim'd me later that night and told me that Ashlee was really upset with him and he didn't understand why. we kinda joked about it and then we changed the subject.
This all blew me away because it's so not Ashlee's character (or so i thought). She's dating a guy right now, so all of this just came out of the blue to me because, a) I honestly didn't think that R was flirting and b) had no clue she had any interest in R like that. I mean, I knew they hooked up that one time but I had never heard her mention anything about him after that. The morning after the beach i text her to make light of the situation, and i told her that i was aware that she was upset but that she was really trippin because I have no interest in R and he has none in me. I told her that we can barely stand one another and that's just how he is. She replies with "i'm over it". After that text, i'm not even gonna lie, i was a tad bit upset because i already felt like the situation was super childish and i tried to make light of it and she came back with a smart remark. But, I kept it pushin. didn't let it get to me. The next day Matt, my bestie, R and I all took a cycling class together. Ashlee comes in about half an hour late and only says hi to my bestie. After the class, she only talks to my bestie. I shake immediately because if i do stay around i'm probably going to say the wrong thing and that would just be all bad.
i haven't talked to her since the "i'm over it" text which isn't that out of the norm. an incident happened about a month ago where my bestie and i went with her to retrieve some of her stuff from her ex's house. he ended up getting physical with my best friend and myself and he broke my blackberry so, that sorta tainted my view of her. not because of what he did but because of some things i learned about her during and after that whole fiasco. so, since that happened i haven't really been talking to her regularly. but, i have been talking to R on a daily basis and that's what makes the situation weird. we all hung out (minus ashlee) on Saturday night and my bestie didn't want to tell Ashlee because she didn't want her to get mad and that's what makes the situation just ridiculous to me. If you honestly think that I cannot be friends with someone you hooked up with or have interest in you're crazy. Especially when you're dating someone else. I'm an adult and I decide who I will and won't be friends with and if you're threatened by me being his friend, i'm sorry but that's a personal problem. She keeps telling everyone, I'm not mad at her, i'm mad at him and I really want to tell her that I don't care who she's mad at; she's acting like a child. But, I haven't and I probably won't only because I don't want to make things akward for the rest of our friends and i'm trying to have a better attitude.
Am I missing something? Did I do something wrong? Should I really not hang out with him or be his friend because she gets upset about it? I don't think I would ever hang out with him one on one, but we do go out as a group and I do consider him a friend. The funny thing is, this whole situation has totally opened my eyes to the fact that maybe, her and I don't need to be friends. That may seem harsh but recently her actions have just been so ridiculous--that's another post in itself though. I just feel like the only reason I am her friend is because she's my bestie's friend and she sorta just joined our group. I don't think i'd ever be her friend outside of our group. Who she is is just not me. But really, do your friends have to be exactly like you? no, but shouldn't you be similar? I dunno. I guess I'll figure it all out one day. For now, I'll just take it day by day. Her actions don't affect me personally and I'm really not bothered by her being upset about this. I think it's lame and that's about it. I mean seriously, i'm not in the 6th grade and this just seems so juvenile to me.
Sorry for going on and on. I just woke up with this whole situation on the brain. If you read all this, you're amazing. Share your thoughts, I'm curious to know if I'm being a crappy friend or if she's just out of her mind.
