There is entirely way too much going on in my life right now. I feel like I'm going to explode!! and why is it that I always have to blame someone?! Someone has to be the reason why all of this is happening or someone has to be the reason why this can't be fixed, quick. That is probably the #1 thing I hate about myself. Please pray for me. I need it.

the BIG update Part 1

Sorry about the spacing, blogger is ridiculous and will not allow me to space out my own damn post!!!.

So in my previous post I mentioned that I had some big news and that my friends, was putting it lightly. I have some major, life changing, scary, semi-exciting news. Let me start off by saying this is all new to me. I'm still not 100% sure as to how I feel about this whole situation and I'm sure that my feelings and emotions and thoughts will change on a day to day basis and I can deal with that. Some of the things I say/write may sound harsh, wrong or crass but I cannot discuss this situation without being 100% real because it is a very REAL situation. I will say that no matter how I feel, no matter what I want or think I want at this time I know that I am blessed and I will NEVER forget that. Oh and another thing this may be a lil' graphic..sorry but we're all adults, if you don't like what you're reading, skip ahead. kthx.

So, I'll start from the beginning. In early November I went to have my yearly PAP which is already a horrible appointment to begin with but it's a must and I'm a trooper so of course I went along with it. My appointment was with a Nurse Practitioner because my (amazing) Gyno was out of town. Maybe I should give you a lil' background, I previously had a cyst on one of my ovaries so I was familiar with the pain associated with having a cyst in your girly areas. That cyst appeared about a year ago and was monitored closely and eventually went away. This time around, I had been experiencing some pain but wasn't really sure if it was the normal discomfort I experience when I'm ovulating or if it was pain that could possibly be caused by a cyst. Also, the pain that I experienced upon first finding out about the cyst that I had a year ago was excruciating and this was nothing like that. So, I figured I was good but mentioned it anyway.

Well, the lovely Nurse Practitioner suggests that I have an ultrasound to check it out, so I do. She tells me she thinks I have fibroid's and I immediately freak out. My first thought? I will NEVER be able to have children. In retrospect, I handled it pretty well though. I didn't tell anyone, not even my boyfriend and figured that I wouldn't even think about it until my next appointment.

Next appointment....My (amazing) Gyno is back! yay! He tells me that Nurse Practitioner lady is nuts, I do not have fibroid's but I do have a large cyst on my left ovary and he is a tad bit concerned. He switches my birth control and actually puts me on a higher dosage with hopes of me ovulating more regularly. He tells me to come back in four weeks after my cycle so that he can have another lookie. This is great!! I'm feeling much better. I immediately go and pick up my new birth control and go on my merry way.

Fast forward to the four week mark. I haven't gotten my period which doesn't really worry me too much. I know that I've been taking the same birth control for years so the new one may have thrown me off a bit. I reschedule my visit. Christmas comes around, New Years comes around and I'm so caught up with all of the Holiday hoopla I don't even think twice about it. That is UNTIL I spend a week at my boyfriends house and I am a complete and utter emotional wreck. The thought that I could possibly be pregnant still didn't cross my mind. My boyfriend mentioned it and I quickly shut him down. We hadn't even seen each other much in November because he was covering for another manager and working weekends and I was preparing/studying for finals so I seriously didn't see how it could be possible. The funny thing is shortly after I returned home from his house he called me and told me that his mom called him because she had a dream that I was pregnant, I seriously thought he was lying and he was just trying to get a reaction out of me. The next day his mom called me and told me she had a dream that I was pregnant and I gave birth to a fat baby that looked Asian. I laughed, told her that was not possible at this time and we changed the subject.

I hung up with her, ran to CVS and bought a test. I was too afraid to do it alone, so I went to one of my best friends house. I took the test and what did I see? Two PINK lines.

18 days without a post?! Man, i think that's a record. In all honesty, I think I've been avoiding this blog. I've had so much going on lately and I guess blogging about it would make it more apparent of just how "real" it is. BUT, I will be back to normal soon and sharing my news with you all even sooner. Hope you're having a great day.

xo

Gettin' My Scarf On

So about a century ago (naw, not really, just a lil' bit over a month ago) I participated in a scarf exchange and ended up getting a really cute scarf from this girl. I've worn it a couple of times and always forget to snap a picture but, I was just downloading pics off my camera and found a couple of my sister snapped of me trying on the scarf the day I rec'd it in the mail.

*disclaimer--yes, i am a dork and no i did not actually wear the scarf with that flannel, i was just trying it on people.