Workin' Out

i love, love, love her dress and i love, love, love her! this is an inspirational post. inspiring myself to take my butt to the gym!!!! i just haven't had motivation. i know it probably has everything to do with my crazy work hours but i need to start getting ready for Havasu..pronto! hope everyone's having a great day :)

I CAN'T WAIT.....

God is Good

mhmmmm. yes, yes, yes he is! Soooo, I have GREAT news. It looks like I will be moving February 16th! Yay! I'm very excited. Here I was worried and once again He took matters into his own hands and made things happen. Please tell me, WHY do I worry? I need to open my eyes. He's showing me in all scenarios, that HE is in charge. He loves me and He continues to take care of me. Please remind me, why do I deserve Him?


"The wisdom that comes from God is first of all pure, then peaceful, gentle, and easy to please" James 3:17.

Earmarks

this is for a dear friend of mine who wanted to know what "Earmarks" are:

"Earmarking" is the term used to refer to a provision in legislation that directs funds to be spent on specific projects. Typically, legislators seek to insert earmarks which direct a specified amount of money to a particular organization or project in his/her home state or district. This differs from the appropriation of money to a particular government agency, for in these cases the appropriate executive department can exercise discretion as to where and how the funds are spent. The use of earmarks in the U.S. Congress has expanded significantly over the past thirty years, and is presently the focus of much controversy.

woohoo weekend

soooo, i had a pretty good weekend. friday night, i met three of my best girlfriends for dinner @ Don Antonio's, for those of you who watch The Hills yes, thee Don Antonio's that Heidi and Spencer frequent way too much. How much do they frequent you ask? well, uh let's just say that came in while we were there! now, this is my second Speidi siting. The first happened about a month ago when the two of them randomly appeared in the lobby of my church after service. Now, they could've very well been there the whole entire service, but I didn't notice them until we were exiting the building. So upon spotting them at church, i noticed just how extremely handsome, and tall Spencer is in person. I mean, seriously he's VERY good looking. TV and pictures really don't do him justice. So, anyways, yes, they came in to Don Antonio's, got a table almost immediately and left in what seemed like 20 mins. I didn't have my camera, but even if I did, I don't think I'd be one of those lame people to ask for a picture. Yes, I said it, L A M E. :)

Yesterday, after church our IHP had an amazingly powerful production called HEAVEN'S COURTROOM. It was amazing. We have some very talented individuals at IHPC. I mean, I was so very touched. To sum it up, the play was about the choices you have here on earth. When it all boils down to it, you have the power to determine if you are going to walk with Jesus or if you're going to walk with The Bad Guy. I mean, there were many more messages. I can't even begin to write about them all but it was amazing.

After that, I got into an argument with stinky and that wasn't good at all. In terms of him and our relationship, things are bothering me and that's a topic i'll have to discuss in a post of it's own.

The great news is, I think I found the perfect roommate. I'm hoping things work out the way He wants them to work out. If this works out for me, this will be one less thing to worry about and one my victory! I'm still going back in forth with the idea of moving with stinky. I really feel that I've just been bombarded with so much in 2008.

It's quite ironic that all this is happening at this time. Yesterday's service was about Prayer and just how important it is. If you don't kneel to Him for everything you'll bow for anything. Don't get me wrong, I pray. But, I need to set aside time. I need to set aside time for me and The Lord. For me to just talk to him and share with him all that I have to share. Just as you seek for the time of your companion, you should also seek for time with the Lord. If I put half as much energy/effort into my relationship with Christ that I put into my relationship with Stinky, wow, I KNOW that would be a beautiful thing.
So, I've promised myself that I will make a conscious effort to not only continue to pray as I do now, but sit, be still, think and pray on a daily basis. I need to meditate in prayer with My Lord God and I need to make it a priority.

It makes me so very proud to witness the maturity in my relationship with Christ. I see it evident in things that I am now aware of that never would have crossed my mind before. For instance, my new revelation on prayer. I now realize how very important it is to put my relationship with Him before any and everything. He has the answers, He has the power. He knows what He wants for me and I have NO control. I have to let him work on me and the only way that's going to happen is if I continue to build a relationship with him. Not just through prayer but through worship, through honor, through praise, through knowledge and glorifying him in ALL that I do. He is an awesome God. He loves me more than I will ever, ever know! More than I can even imagine. More than my father, more than my mother, more than my siblings, or friends or boyfriends will EVER be capable of loving me. His love is the ultimate and I'm so ready and willing to surrender to it. I want so badly to trust in Him. I struggle with feeling inadequate, with feeling as though I don't know enough, as though I'm not good enough. I know those feelings are simply satan trying to attack me and I will continue to plead the blood of Jesus over those horrible feelings because, I know I am a work in progress. I will continue to learn and I will continue to serve Him. There is nothing that is going to stop me.

I'm saved. I feel the Holy Spirit. He's inside of me as I'm typing and there is nothing better than this feeling. Absolutely, N O T H I NG!


"Nothing in the whole world will ever be able to separate us from the love of God".
Romans 8:39

tacky tuesday

this title has absolutely nothing to do with my post. actually, i'm not sure what my "post" will even be about but eh..the above title came to mind and i ran with it.

on another note, i had a wonderful weekend with my stinky and his family. i met his new baby cousin who is the most beautiful baby girl. awwww...she's so precious. i relaxed this weekend. went to a party on saturday. that didn't go well. in fact, it went so bad that i've decided to forget about it and pretend like it never even happened :). let's just say, i wasn't to proud of my behavior. but, i have since prayed about it and of course, will continue to seak the Lord and be more aware of it. ok, i've already said too much about it. insecurity. it's a nasty word and a nasty feeling and i wish it would just go far, far away from me. i say that now, after the incident that took place on saturday but even today i found myself being insecure of what i am capable of @ work. this awful feeling is beginning to stifle me in all that i do. because of all this, i've been reading the book of Psalms. i find it very encouraging and inspirational. it makes me feel warm inside and loved. it's beautiful.

well, i'm very tired. i have an early dentist appointment 7am!! geesh! i have no clue what i'm wearing and i need to shower in the morning. so, i'm signing off.

good night & God Bless

"Psalm

Happy Martin Luther King Jr. Day

Today is oficially a day to honor one of America's most influential, powerful, amazing African American men. Martin Luther King has done so much for not only African American's but for American's in general. I remember as a child as i learned about Mr. King and his amazing legacy i wished that he were my father..:) words cannot express how beautifuly this mans words have touched my life.

"I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: 'We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.'"

i'm so utterly confused

ok, so i think my previous posts were preparing me for the last few days i've had. you know, the whole concept of not knowing and just trusting the Him. well, to say i've had a rough couple of days would be an understatement. i've had a horrible couple of days. to make the
situation(s)i need to find a place to live within the next 5 weeks. ouch! that hurts. i'm sure [scratch that] i KNOW that all these things are happening for reasons beyond my knowing however, in the midst of all this i feel very alone and angry. those two emotions are never, ever good. to make a long story short, again my mother is having one of her "spells". the periods in her life when for whatever reason she is unhappy and because of this she decides to make those around her unhappy. and don't get me wrong. i love my mother dearly. i wish that her and i could have a normal mother/daughter relationship but i've come to accept the fact that that's impossible as she is not normal and i truly mean that, i'm not trying to bash her. she can be a lovely person, but i've rarely seen that side of her. my mother has six children. the oldest 3 are fathered by her high school sweetheart. there's me and then there's my 2 younger sisters who also have a different father. now, i don't think this makes my mom a bad person. but, it does speak loudly of her character. you see, i don't think my mother had children because she wanted children. i don't think she ever dreamed of raising a family and starting family traditions, i don't think she ever dreamt of being a grandmother and watching her grandchildren grow. i believe my mother had children with hopes of saving her failed relationships. bottom line. she's not motherly, she never has been and she never will be. i remember just like it was yesterday, while i was in high school my mother and i got into a mother/daughter quarrel and she said to me "if i would've have known i was going to get pregnant, i wouldn't have had sex that night". yes, this is what my mother said about my conception and i will ALWAYS remember it. despite what everyone has said about my mother i have always attempted to have a relationship with her, i've attempted to ignore the comments and to make excuses for her. but, i no longer can. she is an adult. she needs to take responsibility for her own actions and she cannot blame everyone around her for the circumstances she is now in. and don't get my wrong, i am no angel. i know that because she doesn't make wise choices and because she has harmed her children and done so many things that were not in their best interest i look down on her, at times i am even disgusted by her so it is hard for me to respect her. i respect her as my mother but not as a woman and that is so very sad. i have prayed on the situation, probably not as much as i should because to be perfectly honest, i pretend as though it doesn't exist. my hopes that it will get better are non existent simply because i know that she has NO relationship at all with her two oldest daughters (my half sisters) nor does she have a relationship with their children (her grandchildren), nor does she have a relationship with anyone else in our family with the exception of my brother. i know that it is my duty to honor my father and my mother but Lord i find it very, very hard. i will continue to pray. pray for this situation and pray that i proceed the way the Lord wants me to. i'm not saying i'm an angel, i am the first to admit that i have flaws. i know that i'm haughty and i have a very smart mouth, i'm very opinionated and at times i say things that are extremely hurtful. not because i mean them but because when someone hurts me that is my natural reaction. but i am much, much better now and i will continue to get better because i'm aware of my problems. i pray about it, i seek the Lord before i even begin to open my mouth. i'm trying and that's what i don't understand, why can't she try. part of me wants to cut her off completely but really, should i do that? should i be just like her?

God is speaking to me

he really is. the Lord is speaking to me today and i'm getting chills. things that i was discussing with him yesterday (yes, i speak to the Lord OUTLOUD)on my drive home from work are being answered. i just stumbled across someone's blog and a post of their's touched right on a subject/matter that i have been pondering. i am amazed. i have so many questions about my life and the direction that it is going but i need to BE STILL. i need to completely put my trust in the Lord and know that whatever is meant to be shall be.

on another note, i went to the dentist this morning and i only have one cavity! yay! for me that is huge!! i despise the dentist and normally when i go i have 2 or 3 cavities. i know it's sick!! i'm definitely going to start taking better care of my teeth. they're very white, i just don't floss as often as i should. the bad part is i have to see an oral surgeon next week so i can discuss getting my wisdom teeth pulled...why..why...why???? ever since i've gotten this job i've had one huge expense/bill every single month! what's up with that? i guess i should be giving thanks that i've had the ability to pay all these bills right?

well, that's all for now..i wont say today because who knows, i'll probably be bloggin' later :)

Ephesians 3:20-21 "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever! Amen."

hello

my empty bloggy world! hope that you are all doing marvelously. i am doing very well. back to work today. feeling much, much better. finally getting over this cold. i spent my weekend hanging with a good friend of mine. a new friend, but she's so wonderful. she's really an angel as corny as that sounds. she came into my life at the most perfect time. she totally understands me and i just feel like her and i are alot alike. as i mentioned in a previous post, i somewhat feel as though i'm drifting further and further away from my current group of friends and i'm not quite sure why that is. anyways, my friend J and i really enjoyed each others company. we had dinner @ PF Chengs on Friday, went to Panera and rented movies on Saturday and then we went to church Sunday. Sunday evening was my sisters birthday dinner and there were some issues with that but all in all everything turned out wonderfully. after dinner i of course went to see my stinky!!

so, he and i have been talking about moving in with one another! i know, i know. it's such a huge step but, considering my living situation i am seriously thinking about it. of course i want to, i'm just afraid of a couple of things. number one, i don't want to ruin what we have now. i don't want the added pressures of bills and other household issues that we don't have now. i like the way we are now and i'm afraid that if we move in with each other we will be faced with a lot of issues that we don't neccasarely deal with now. number two, i'm afraid that HE is not ready for that type of commitment. i know that i don't give him enough credit and he proves me wrong every single time but, in the back of my mind i wonder if he really can see him self being with me for the rest of his life. that scares me. i really think that moving in with each other is a huge, HUGE step and i don't want to make these kinds of commitments with him if he's unsure of where exactly we stand. of course, when we discuss all this he reassures me time and time again that he is committed to me and our relationship but hey, i'm a girl with trust issues. it takes alot for me to believe.

i'm 22 soon to be 23 and i yearn for a family of my own. i'm not the type of girl who wants to date around or go out to parties. i'd much rather be settled down starting my life with someone who has the same goals and desires as i do. is that weird? i mean really, is there a 22 year old man out there ready to settle down and start a family?? well, let me rephrase that. i want a family, of course i do, not right now. when i'm done with school and can provide adequately for my family however, i'd very much like to have my hubby.

i hope that stinky is my husband, i hope that he is the man that i'll spend the rest of my life with but i also know that i will be with who the Lord wants me to be with and ultimately, i have no control over it. knowing that reassures the anxious feelings that i have about the whole situation. even though i don't have it RIGHT now, i know there is a reason behind that and i know i'll appreciate my partner much, much more when i finally do have it.

i know this is so lame, but i really wish that i could share with EVERYONE in the world what God has done for me. i wish i could get my stinky to be more involved and to hunger for the Lord like i do. i pray in time he will because you better believe i want a God-fearing, Jesus-loving man! yes i do.

so, that's my dilemma as of now. if anyone visits my blog and would like to o

OMG!!! both of my favorite celebrity preggo's are giving birth at the same time. not only that but i was @ cedar sinai today for a doctor appointment ugh! i can't wait to have babies!!!!

blah

this has been such a blah week. work sux, still sick-ish, nothing exciting. except for my sis' 19th birthday. she turned 19 yesterday and i can hardly believe it. Dino (her blog name) is getting so old! oh, how i love her. well...that's it. i have no more thoughts.

ciao!

oh, how i love this man

i'm ready for change. i'm ready for Barack Obama. everyone should be ready for Barack Obama!!!

couch potato

mhmmm that's me! i have done absolutely nothing this weekend. and when i say nothing, i literally mean nothing. i mean, that's partly because i have this nasty cold. and no, i'm not just saying that. i really do have a nasty cold. we've also had rain this weekend. a rainstorm to be exact (see? it does rain in southern california). so, i didn't really feel up to doing much this weekend. i've had far too much to eat and i've watched way too much television but hey, don't we deserve weekends like this every once in awhile?



because i've been spending so much time with stinky, i kinda feel distanced from all of my friends. they do their "single" things without me and i do my bf/gf things without them. of course, i'm always invited i just feel as though i'm not as interested in the things they are doing now. don't get me wrong, i absolutely love Girls Nights. i love when we go to dinner, or hang out around the house or catch a movie together i just haven't been that interested in going out to clubs and parties! i've never been a party girl but, i am 22 going out isn't necessarily a bad thing. i dunno, i've just been in a rather relaxed mood lately.

so, i'm almost over this cold (thank God). Tomorrow is work again, which means, i'll be at my house (which is so not my favorite place to be) and not with stinky. i hate those days.

God Bless,

faith

everyone works better when they know the boss is around the corner

yes i am awake at 2:45 am! before i begin bloggin' away, i'd like to inform my invisible readers (ha!) that from now on, i will now reference my boyfriend as stinky as opposed to "my boyfriend". he's much, much more than my boyfriend might i add. he's my best friend, my confidant and of course, he's my stinky :).

anywho, enough of that. if you are wondering what the above title has to do with anything, it is a quote from my pastors December 9th sermon. everyone works better when they know the boss is around the corner. we christians need to live more Christ-like because our Lord and Savior is indeed around the corner. amen! i love Jesus. i surely do. although i attended the service on December 9th i'm listening to it online and i must say my pastor is teaching me oh so much. i can't remember what my life was like with Christ those awful months ago. this feeling of amazing, never-ending love is what life is all about. i will tell anyone and everyone who will listen. matter of fact, i will tell those who don't want to listen. why? because i will forever serve my Lord.

although there are so many things in my life right now that are not they way they should be, or the way i wish they were i am truly blessed. i really am. i'm sitting here next to my sleeping stinky, listening to Pastor Ayres' beautiful message and i have an overwhelming feeling of joy. i am happy, and i haven't been happy (like this) in quite a long time. i feel as though everything i'm doing right now in life is right and has purpose.

ahhhhh...i'm going to bed now. happy with a huge smile on my face.

this blogging thing is sorta addicting! geesh :)

God Bless,

faith

britney spears

all jokes aside, we need to seriously pray for this girl. she has demons after her. she needs tons of prayer.

on another note, have a wonderful day. count your blessings. and happy friday :)

2 0 0 8

Happy New Year everyone! i hope that the year ahead is a beautiful year for all. i had a wonderful Holiday. Christmas was very low-key but it was very special none the less. it was really about spending intimate time with the ones i love this year and i was very, very content. My NYE was equally pleasing. i visited my boyfriends family's church for their annual NYE service and that was great. i really felt as though the word that the pastor was preaching was directed towards me personally! what pleased me even more, is after the service my boyfriend was so touched. he too said that he felt that Jesus was speaking directly to him. i must say, there were quite a few points that i knew he needed to hear. i was very happy that we chose to go to church as opposed to hanging out with our friends. what a great way to start the year.

my motto for this year is simply: NO FEAR THIS YEAR. Fear is the opposite of faith and why should i fear anything when i have faith in the Lord? I truly plan to implement this in my daily life. i am in the grip of God's grace, there is nothing to fear. i will not worry or stress myself out over life's obstacles because ultimately, the Lord has it all planned for me! what a wonderful revelation.

my other goals (i will not say resolution, i don't get along with that word) are to manage my money better. i'm such a shopper! i need to focus more on what i need versus what i want. i know this is going to be a tough one, but no fear..lol. i will pray on it and continue to try my hardest to be smarter with money. another goal of mine is to make schooling a priority over work. i must, must, must do this for myself. i cannot continue on this path that i am going. lastly, the most important goal of mine is to read the bible. the ENTIRE bible...gulp. no excuses. we all have 24 hours in the day. i can do it. i need to find my purpose in life, what it is that the Lord wants me to do, how exactly i should be serving him and the bible my dear friends, is the only way to find that. so...with all that said, please pray for me. these things are all very, very important to me.

"He has put his angels in charge of you to watch over you wherever you go" (Psalm 91:11)

have a blessed day and remember you never would have made it without Jesus. Thank him and give him ALL the praises because he is so very worthy!