i'm so utterly confused

ok, so i think my previous posts were preparing me for the last few days i've had. you know, the whole concept of not knowing and just trusting the Him. well, to say i've had a rough couple of days would be an understatement. i've had a horrible couple of days. to make the
situation(s)i need to find a place to live within the next 5 weeks. ouch! that hurts. i'm sure [scratch that] i KNOW that all these things are happening for reasons beyond my knowing however, in the midst of all this i feel very alone and angry. those two emotions are never, ever good. to make a long story short, again my mother is having one of her "spells". the periods in her life when for whatever reason she is unhappy and because of this she decides to make those around her unhappy. and don't get me wrong. i love my mother dearly. i wish that her and i could have a normal mother/daughter relationship but i've come to accept the fact that that's impossible as she is not normal and i truly mean that, i'm not trying to bash her. she can be a lovely person, but i've rarely seen that side of her. my mother has six children. the oldest 3 are fathered by her high school sweetheart. there's me and then there's my 2 younger sisters who also have a different father. now, i don't think this makes my mom a bad person. but, it does speak loudly of her character. you see, i don't think my mother had children because she wanted children. i don't think she ever dreamed of raising a family and starting family traditions, i don't think she ever dreamt of being a grandmother and watching her grandchildren grow. i believe my mother had children with hopes of saving her failed relationships. bottom line. she's not motherly, she never has been and she never will be. i remember just like it was yesterday, while i was in high school my mother and i got into a mother/daughter quarrel and she said to me "if i would've have known i was going to get pregnant, i wouldn't have had sex that night". yes, this is what my mother said about my conception and i will ALWAYS remember it. despite what everyone has said about my mother i have always attempted to have a relationship with her, i've attempted to ignore the comments and to make excuses for her. but, i no longer can. she is an adult. she needs to take responsibility for her own actions and she cannot blame everyone around her for the circumstances she is now in. and don't get my wrong, i am no angel. i know that because she doesn't make wise choices and because she has harmed her children and done so many things that were not in their best interest i look down on her, at times i am even disgusted by her so it is hard for me to respect her. i respect her as my mother but not as a woman and that is so very sad. i have prayed on the situation, probably not as much as i should because to be perfectly honest, i pretend as though it doesn't exist. my hopes that it will get better are non existent simply because i know that she has NO relationship at all with her two oldest daughters (my half sisters) nor does she have a relationship with their children (her grandchildren), nor does she have a relationship with anyone else in our family with the exception of my brother. i know that it is my duty to honor my father and my mother but Lord i find it very, very hard. i will continue to pray. pray for this situation and pray that i proceed the way the Lord wants me to. i'm not saying i'm an angel, i am the first to admit that i have flaws. i know that i'm haughty and i have a very smart mouth, i'm very opinionated and at times i say things that are extremely hurtful. not because i mean them but because when someone hurts me that is my natural reaction. but i am much, much better now and i will continue to get better because i'm aware of my problems. i pray about it, i seek the Lord before i even begin to open my mouth. i'm trying and that's what i don't understand, why can't she try. part of me wants to cut her off completely but really, should i do that? should i be just like her?