decisions, decisions

Why is it that sometimes the things/people that you want so bad are the very things/people that are just bad for you?

Why is that you sometimes have no control over the very things that take place in your life; the very things that affect you the most?

Why is that we tend to let our fears stifle us from moving forward?

Why is that when we do finally move forward and we look back, we oftentimes wonder what took us so long in the first place?

I wish I had a crystal ball. I wish i could just see the future and what it will be. I wish I knew the right decision to make and I wish I would just make it and be done with it (for good). I wish I could make decisions solely based on what's logical versus making emotional decisions. Sometimes it is truly hard to have faith.

all about waiting

i think within these last few days, He has made it very evident that 4 years isn't really that long. I could be wrong. Maybe I'm just instilling these thoughts in my own head. Nonetheless, it feels good. Not only does it feel good but, it sounds good. Today I am happy. Today stink made me happy. I'm torn. I don't know what the "right" thing is but seriously, I can't continue to allow the fact that I'm scared to get in the way of EVERYTHING. Yes, I'm scared but in all actuality; shouldn't 3 years in itself be comforting? We were having a very simple conversation via text messaging today and the conversation went there and he took it there and for once i felt like we were finally on the same page. I felt that maybe both of us are fighting for this. Maybe we are a team. He asked me to move in with him on Sunday after I had been gone for about an hour. I smiled because I'd love to but, inside I know that I can't. Hopefully, I'll be able to hold off for 3.5 years. I'm praying this whole "thing" is worth the wait. I kinda regret sharing with a certain someone that this blog exists because now I feel that I have to be extra careful with the information I share. There is definitely more that I'd like to say about this particular topic. Not for anyone in particular but, for myself. So one day I can look back on all this and laugh or cry or remember what I was feeling at this very moment.