Decisions, Decisions

Wow, it's only Wednesday morning and I already feel like this week has been quite a long one. First of all, my anniversary (i feel so lame saying that cause it's not like we're married but, anywho) was fantabulous! Let me just say that not only do I hate surprises but it's very difficult to surprise me. Somehow my boyfriend managed to surprise me and it was all very, very sweet. Without going into too much detail, we had dinner at this lovely restaruant. He bought me this perfume that I blogged about some time ago and we spent some time at this spa. BUT, you wanna know what my favorite gift was?! The card! He NEVER buys cards for any holiday or special occasion except for Valentine's Day. Cards are so important to me. In fact, 9 out of 10 times I'm most excited about the cards I receive, not the gifts so I was super, duper happy that he had taken the time to pick out a nice card. It's the small things in life, right?!

Anyways, let's get to the decisions-- a while ago (like over a year ago) I applied for a job with a huge company in Fullerton (for those of you who don't live in So Cal, Fullerton is in Orange County, where my bf lives, I currently live in LA). At the time, my bf and I were toying with the idea of moving in together (in OC, not LA). I ended up getting a job at Fox (my last employer) shortly thereafter so we put the moving in together thing on hold. I never heard back from the huge company and I was so excited about my job at Fox that I never really thought about it.

Two weeks ago I received an email from the huge company. I initially thought it was spam and left it in my inbox unread until Monday. I opened one of the emails on Monday and lo and behold, the "big company" wanted me to come in on Wednesday for testing. Now, if I would have received this email maybe 6 or 7 months ago I probably would have been ecstatic but not so much now. The possibility of working for this company is very tempting. The fact that I'd be closer to my boyfriend and the $15,000 salary increase among other things would be great BUT, something inside of me is telling me now is not the right time. I have no clue what it is, but there is definitely a lil' voice in my head telling me not to go for it.

For starters I'd have to get my own place, which I'm not opposed to but I love my roommate and really, I like paying half of the rent versus ALL of the rent...lol and this is embarrassing but I'm afraid to live by myself. When my roommate is outof town, or comes home late, I sleep with my TV and light on...hahaha, yes--I'm lame. I could move in with my bf but he has 2 male roommates and I love them to death but would NEVER consider cohabiting with them. There are various reasons why but, the most important would probably be the fact that I would never feel like that was my home and I'm just not cool with that. **EDIT** Mel left a comment and brought up a really good point. We very well could look for places for the two of us but, his lease isn't up until March of 2009...so that's why we'd have to stay there together at least until March.

Secondly, although I don't know exactly what I want to do when I grow up (yes, in my mind, i'm still a teenager) I know that working for the "big company" is not it. Now don't get me wrong, the job that I'm currently doing is not something I could see myself doing for the rest of my life either but, I'm hoping and praying that this job will allow me to find what it is exactly that I want to do. I'm exposed to so much, and I do so much and I've learned so much in such a short amount of time and to me that is invaluable.

Lastly, the testing obviously interfered with my work schedule. Not to mention my boss has been traveling for over a month and today was his first day back in the office. It would have been kinda lame of me to take off at 11am and be out for the rest of the day. I'm big on signs and all of the signs in my opinion were pointing to not going to the testing. On the other hand most of my friends and family members thought that I should at least give it a try and see what happens. So now, I'm praying that I did the right thing and don't have any regrets.

Obviously I love my boyfriend and the distance thing is getting old especially since we went from seeing each other every single day to now seeing each other only on the weekends and not even every weekend at that. I just want to make my decisions solely based on me and what's good for me. Had I accepted the position, I most definitely would have felt that I had done so primarily because it was closer to him and that's not okay. He has a really great job that he loves in OC, so that's where he is. His family is there and I have to admit, he's happier and he's changed so much (for the better) since moving there so, I'm happy for him. I have a job that I like (not love..lol) and my friends and family are here so, this is where I am and I guess that's just how it will be, for now.

Geesh, blogging can be so therapeutic..lol. I feel much better now that I've gotten all of that off my chest. Hope you all are having a wonderful week.

xo