My Life With Avery: mommy's

Seriously, reading Nie Nie's blog brings me to tears sometimes. I cannot even imagine what she must feel like. I just read her most recent post and it made me think of something I heard yesterday(can't remember if it was in a song or what) "Live as if you were dead before" which is kinda similar to "live every day as if it were your last" but then it's not. Can you imagine dying and having the opportunity to come back and do it all over again, as YOU?! The thought of that is insane. Anyways, here I am rambling..on to my post...

I've been so "over" blogging lately. I have no clue why. I still enjoy reading what others but the thought of updating my own seems like such a task. Maybe it's because I'm approximately 15 weeks behind on real updates. My life has been completely transformed within the last 2 months and blogging about it hasn't been a priority. At the same time, I keep kicking myself for not posting because I'd like to some day look back on this time and reminisce..anyways.let's try this again...on to my post...

So, I took a pregnancy test and it was positive and surprisingly, I did not freak out. Which is weird. Looking back, I wonder why I didn't cry or get upset or scream. I guess because I immediately knew what would and wouldn't be happening. I was going to be a mom because I definitely wasn't having an abortion. BTW, I am 100% pro-choice. I believe that every woman has the right to decide for themselves what route to take but, I myself didn't consider it.

My boyfriend is and was %100 supportive. We were both scared out of our minds and I did NOT talk about for the first two weeks. I was DEPRESSED. Actually DEPRESSED doesn't even scratch the surface. I didn't talk to any of my friends and all I wanted to do was sleep. I was ignoring calls, text messages, emails everything. I didn't want to have anything to do with anyone and honestly, I could barely tolerate my boyfriend. We fought soooo much. For some strange reason, I thought the way to fix this was to break up with him...looking back on that I can't help but laugh because really, that is such an idiotic thought but seriously, that's how I felt. I just felt like everything was over. My life would be over. I'm not married, I'm not ready, this is not what I wanted. How and why would this happen. Everything in my life was sooooo perfect and then I had to go and get pregnant. And I pretty much continued to feel that way until I woke up one morning and I was bleeding. I called my doctor and informed him of what was going on. He told me to come in to his office at noon. That day at work, I was a nervous wreck. I kept thinking "omg, what if I had a miscarriage?" "Is it because I was so negative, is it because stink and I were fighting so much, is this my fault, is there something wrong with me?" I started seeing things from a different perspective. It was one thing for me to not want this baby and to feel like this was such a horrible curse but it was another thing for me to realize that there was a possibility that maybe I wouldn't even be involved in the decision making of this child's life. Maybe he/she would be taken from me and how horrible would that be? I started pleading with God. I was praying my lil' butt off. Prayers that went something like this: "Please God, don't let me have a miscarriage, I promise I will stop complaining and being ungrateful". "Dear God, I'm sorry for getting so upset over nothing, I didn't mean to hurt the baby, If you give me another chance I'll neeeeever do it again". To make a long story short, I didn't have a miscarriage. I had a subchorionic hemorrhage. After hearing that lil' heart beat, I promised myself that I was gonna drop the "Why Me?" plea. Because really, having a child is a blessing. I don't care how you look at it. No this isn't the way I wanted to do it and my life will NEVER be the same but, at the end of the day His plans are far greater than mine so why fight it?

So that's the story. A long one, I know and I apologize but there was a lot to cram into one post. So it's official, I'm having a baby! ahhhhhh! I still can't believe it. Sometimes I'll be driving and it'll hit me like a ton of bricks. It's still hard to believe.

I'm 15 weeks along and I finally have a lil' baby bump. We do know the sex but I'll wait till my next post to share that info along with a picture of my baby bump :)

Have a great weekend!

I heart cool mama's. you know,the mom's out there who manage to juggle it all; motherhood, careers, husbands/significant others and still manage to look flawless. the mom's that are hip and still rock their 7 jeans while breastfeeding.

I work with a lady who's in her mid-thirties and she just had her first child. She is always dressed to impress and she does not look like she was pregnant a year ago. I initially thought she was in her mid-late twenties when I started working here. Well, a min ago I kept hearing Big Poppa by the Notorious B.I.G. I stopped typing and started looking around and I couldn't figure out where it was coming from. I went around to ask the "cool mama" a question and there she was, bobbin' her head with her starbucks in one hand and paperwork in the other. I started crackin' up.

Growing up I always felt like my mom was old. I mean, she was 32 when she had me so she isn't ancient but compared to the mom's of my friends, I always felt like she should be my Grandma. She's always looked much younger than her age but still, I knew the truth despite her annual 29th birthday :). I've always told myself that I'd be one of those mama's. You know, the cool mom who won't embarrass her kids. The cool mom who still listens to "hip" music. The cool mom who manages to stay on top of all the latest fashion trends. The mom that's always wearing heels while prancing around her spotless house and most of all the cool mom who will know when her kids are feeding her some bullcrap :)

here are some of my favorite Cool Mom's

Gwen Stefani. you do realize those are the abs of a woman who has already given birth, right?